Taking a very big breath, I exhale as my fingers being to write this. Being told not to write this because it's very private, IS the reason I am writing this. This is something that isn't talked about enough....
My husband sometimes would catch-on and see me in emotional pain, which would be great since I'm a highly functional person and from the outside people don't realize whats going on in the inside. I wasn't verbal about my feelings, I didn't make it clear, I'm also a sarcastic b*tch by nature so it's easy to chalk it up to that. But it was tough.
My mind at night would race, as I told myself, "I'm such a loser, I have nothing going for myself, I have no future now..." then as I drift off, baby cries...and this cycle went on day in day out. I felt empty. I was also losing my mind, literally, I couldn't remember how to do simple things and I'd forget everything.
Things straightened out for me more around when the baby was about 10 months old...Crazy almost a year with this weirdness inside of me. I tried just focusing on positive thoughts and in The Lord. I'd pray a lot and it would help. Once I finally started sleeping through the night (the baby as well) things started to get better. Sleep is so important for our minds and body.
***I wrote this post to bring awareness, even for partners that don't understand what is happening to their baby mommas. This was written a year ago and NOW is when I published it, because I feel comfortable about it....It's a crazy situation and I hope my story brings insight to another. *** (baby is now a year and a half)