There's one thing that has weighed on me... I know we shouldn't question The Lord about the obstacles he gives us, but I feel in my heart it was Lilo's time to go to allow for my baby's life to grow.
You see when Lilo got sick at first it was the most devastating thing that has EVER happened to me, aside from my grandmother's passing when I was 8 years old, seeing Lilo almost die and return that one night was the scariest thing in my life. I was pregnant when it happened, and I had no clue. I was so shaken up about it, I drank some Balvenie (scotch) to calm me down, I could not sleep for about 3 days, I felt fine. I spent all night keeping an eye on Lilo and making sure she was fine, which she was. No sign of heart failure, just "a heart murmur" the vet said.
A week later I find out the good/surprising news, I'm Pregnant! I think "wow" just "wow" and then I got so excited! :) Well then Jason gets excited, then we freak out, then we celebrate, then I cry and laugh and cry again and then I say "WOW MY HORMONES!"
But now Lilo starts going down hill, I see her getting worse, slowing down, and then heart failure. Within a month of "it's a heart murmur" it becomes heart failure. I tried to keep my pregnancy a secret, just to be sure it was going to happen, but I had to tell someone other than my husband. I needed someone to keep my strong and not let me crumble when Lilo would leave me. I need someone to snap me out of any depression or craziness I might go through.
|A normal sunbathing day.|
I sat on the ground with her and pulled her face close to mine, I looked right into her eyes as she looked back at me, and she went limp. No gasp for air, no whines, nothing, just My Lilo was gone, as my little peanut grew, and to this day I feel in my heart Lilo knew there was a baby in me, and that I would be alright.
First Tri coming up next!